I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
