im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
