I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
