You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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