No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
