you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
