Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
