Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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