omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
