yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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