if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
