Betty ford says i'm here all night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
