Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
