You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
