Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
