It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
