Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
