Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
