she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
