I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
