She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
