she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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