Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
not ubering you a puppy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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