At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
