She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
