I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i dont even know how to be here
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize