They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
