i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
