Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
