i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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