I'm eating all of the evidence.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize