i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
