I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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