Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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