Please, let me fuck your mom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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