Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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