so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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