He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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