man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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