I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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