Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize