shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
