there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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