Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
