i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
