The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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