I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
