Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
