so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
