If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
