i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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