Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
