Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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