Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
