Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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