Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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