y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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