that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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