tell your sister to shave her snatch
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
