her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
