Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
