So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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