i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
