on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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