"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
