"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
