Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
