So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm getting married
To pizza
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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