They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
